Mad World

In light of recent events, I have some thoughts. No one in stuck in a relationship. Essentially there is nothing you have to do in life, besides doing what is necessary survive.

I feel it is incredibly wrong to be in a relationship with someone, but have such a strong desire to fuck someone else, and enough to eventually carry it out. The right thing to do is to end it, no matter how you feel for the person if you do something like that, then pretty much you don't want to be with that person. In other words some people are scumbags/slurrbuckets, and are afraid of change, afraid to take risks and are in denial of their own feelings. People need to do what they need to be happy and realize how little restrictions are on their ambitions.





Fun Fact: The title of this post "Mad World" is the song played at the end of Donnie Darko by Gary Jules and Michael Andrews, but was originally written by Tears for Fears

So Much Beauty in the World

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout Camp, watching falling stars. And yellow leaves, from the maple trees that lined our street. Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird. And Janie... and Janie. And... Carolyn. I guess I could be really pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

This is the end monologue of one of my favorite movies, American Beauty, I quoted a piece of it in my senior quote.

I've heard this and read it so many times and its almost brought me to tears, but today I sort of feel more of an understanding of it than ever before. At this moment right now I really do feel like there is just so much beauty in the world, everywhere I look. I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in or about to burst, like the quote says, but I can't do anything about it. Right now I don't want to let go of it; I don't really think I can even if I wanted to. So right now I am sitting in my chair at my computer screen in pain from how happy I am; although pain might not be the right word because I love it at the same time. Today was a wonderful day.

now

Well, this is my first entry. I need to put some thoughts on paper so I don't forget them. Hopefully someone will get something out of reading this besides me. I'm writing to you and whether you know me or not because there is someone out there who shares these memories with you, whether or not I have a specific person in mind doesn't make a difference; I believe similar feelings are experienced with at least one person in your life. Thats how I want this to be read.

Right now I am trying to take things as them come. A lot of people around me are worrying about all the changes that will happen next year, how different each of our worlds will be, who will still be there, who won't. Things change and we should not hold it against someone for losing touch. You part ways, its not that you didn't care for each other, there is only so much time we have and its really not that much. By no means am I saying don't keep in touch with people, I know I will, but if it does not happen, I won't be upset because I know I enjoyed the time we did spend together and thats what matters. At least that what matters to me.

The point I am trying to get at is: enjoy now, this moment, right here because thats really all we have. What is important is that we have each other now, that we care about each other now, we laugh together now, we cry together now. If things are different tomorrow, then so be it, but I can't let that take away from the joy we had then, it was then we were happy, and our lives connected then, and thats what we had and I'm glad we had it. And if tomorrow you're gone I'll miss you, but if thats the way its going to be, then I'm going to look back and be glad about what we had then and how much it meant to us.

"The roses under my window make no reference to former roses or better ones; they are what they are; they exist with God today. There is no time to them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect in every moment of its existence."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson